


Disquiet

by Rago_Dragovian



Category: Baccano!, Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/M, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:48:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29390067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rago_Dragovian/pseuds/Rago_Dragovian
Summary: Alternate Universe fic; Thanks to Izaya, he had become a ruthless mastermind during the year that he separated from them. They challenge him. Can they convince him to abandon the world of crime and come back to them?
Relationships: Chane Laforet/Claire Stanfield (mentioned), Ryuugamine Mikado/Sonohara Anri





	Disquiet

**Author's Note:**

> Back when I wrote this fanfic, here was my idea: In the light novels, a certain character slowly seems to be turning into the villain of the series. This fic is an AU, in which, it follows the possibilities of what could happen if this character remained that way and increased the ruthless streak.

A young man in a trimmed onyx fur coat leisurely strolled to the park nearest Raira Academy. A long slender scabbard was strapped to him from behind and he was flanked by hundreds of people with green scarves around their necks. After nearly a year of betrayal, bloodshed, and failures, he had become triumphant in unifying all the gangs of Ikebukuro under him.

He stopped and turned around upon hearing the distinct sound of a _boom_ followed by a _crash_. He already knew what – or rather _who_ – was the cause of the ruckus. He waited patiently as the man who possessed herculean-like strength plowed his way through and ran towards him at top speed. He swiftly pulled forth his scabbard and tensed in anticipation for what was to come. He would be in dire straits if he erred at any point against this human bulldozer.

" _You!"_ shouted Shizuo, pulling back his fist as he ran straight for his prey. His face said it all. He aimed to kill this time. " _You'll pay for what you've done!"_

The tuxedo-clad individual emphasized his point by throwing his fist at an inhuman speed straight at his target. The fatal strike was blocked just in time by the sheath. There was a resounding boom from the impact of the attack. Shizuo gingerly pulled his right arm away as he hissed in pain from the unexpected outcome. He examined his hand. It was clearly broken from hitting the sheath.

"What the hell?" snarled Shizuo enraged even further by this turn of events. "Do you really think this handicap will stop me? I'll just beat the life out of you with my other hand or kick you to death."

His opponent grinned snidely and pulled out his cellphone. He opened it and held it up in front of Shizuo so he could see the contents inside. Shizuo's eyes widened as he recognized the person in the picture of the cellphone. His body shook in rage, he tightened the first of his left hand so much that it started to bleed, and he began to take deep breaths to calm his temper. Once his anger was held in check, he glared at the man he had come to loathe so much that it was indescribable.

"Do not trifle with us again." said his enemy sternly, as he re-strapped the sheath. "Or else, we will not just kidnap your brother. We will put a bullet through his head."

Shizuo did a turnabout before he committed any actions that he would regret and forcefully shoved people out of his way. He would not risk his younger brother's life, not even for revenge against a killer.

He pocketed his cellphone and resumed walking toward the park. His uninjured subordinates followed behind him. Those who were too injured from the fight with Shizuo were left behind. The weak were not worth notice.

* * *

A young man and woman waited for their foe to arrive. The bespectacled woman was clad in a dark-gray hooded sweater which obscured the black shorts she wore underneath. On her feet were black training boots and black socks. The man wore a plain white long-sleeved hooded shirt with blue jeans and brown combat boots. His trademark yellow scarf was wrapped firmly around his neck.

It had been a year. The span of tragic events that occurred was so short that neither had noticed until around Christmas. It had felt like a small but incredibly painful length of time for both. Today, they were resolved to finish it. Someone was going to die today in all likelihood. They had been surprised that he had agreed to a private bout against them. They suspected an underhanded ploy but felt the risks were necessary because of how personal this was. This was an opportunity that they _needed_ to capitalize on.

_Izaya…_ The blonde's eyes hardened as he saw the black fur-coat individual walk toward the two in a sedate pace. _I swear I will fucking eviscerate you_

He walked close enough for the two friends to register his apparel. Underneath his trademark jacket was a plain forest green t-shirt, dark blue cargo pants, and tan combat boots. Masaomi gazed at the scabbard in vague curiosity but dismissed it. Anri felt an ominous chill flow through her back once he stood only a few steps away from them. He didn't meet their eyesight as he briefly gazed at the large fountain that was tonelessly flowing water nearby. His eyes slowly turned to them and he took in their appearances. They both tensed in anticipation. Anri felt another fright overtake her as her eyes met his. They were hardened, austere, and devoid of any warmth.

A sharp pain vibrated within Anri once her mind had fully realized what would or could happen in this predicament. She held back Saika with sheer willpower and did her best to ignore it's insane cries of _cut, cut, cut, love, love, love_. She refused to succumb to such desires. She would _not_ yield to Saika's ravings. This occurrence inside her subconscious gave her an epiphany that hadn't crossed her mind beforehand because her heart had felt so much pain over the sequence of events that created this scenario. Saika, sensing weakness, pounced by vocalizing its intent even more harshly.

_LOVE HIM!_

"You don't have to worry about a trap," assured Mikado tersely, "They're surrounding the outskirts of the park to make sure no one interferes with our fight."

"Shall we begin?"

"That's it?" asked Masaomi in an angry tone of voice, "That's all you have to say?"

"Whenever _I_ asked either of you about your secrets all I got was thinly veiled excuses or you guys would simply avoid the question outright." said Mikado as he shrugged his shoulders. His icy exterior betrayed nothing. "I don't see how this is any different or why I should be compelled to explain myself when neither of you did."

"We promised not to talk about it until Kida-kun came back and all three of us could share our secrets as friends!" shouted Anri, agitated by Saika's inner monologue and vexed due to her own turmoil. "This has been the first and _only_ opportunity we've had since making that promise because we failed to stop you!"

Mikado didn't even react to either of his 'friends' spitefulness. This distressed Anri and Masaomi deeply. Where was the goofy childhood friend? Where was the socially inept boy that they loved so much? Why had he changed so much within a mere year?

"It's _my_ fault then?" asked Mikado, there was no accusatory tone, no anger, and nor was there even a hint of curiosity. His voice lacked any care at all. The closest his tone of voice could be described as was boredom. It was quite clear that he didn't care for this discussion. "Well, it doesn't matter. I already researched everything I could on both of you and I already know what happened."

"Izaya's personal quarters had more than enough information on Saika and the yellow scarves to satisfy my curiosity. I made sure to thank him before I ended his life."

Masaomi's jaw dropped in shock as Anri gasped in surprise. They had known of Izaya's death. It was hard not to miss the death of one of the most well-known information brokers of the underbelly of Japan. The official news report had ascertained that a woman fitting Celty's description had perpetrated the murder. Masaomi and Anri had hypothesized that it was due to the Dollars having a hand in Shinra's murder within the hospital likely ordered by Izaya for some unknown reason.

"H-how?" whispered Masaomi, he had paled at that revelation. _Mikado, what have you become?_

"I don't have to answer that." replied Mikado in a bored tone. "Enough of this chatter. We came to fight on a two on one to the death, not to reminisce about what is no longer important."

He moved his left hand to grab the scabbard on his back. Masaomi tightened his fists and assumed a fighting pose. Anri looked torn.

"M-Mikado-kun!" hollered Anri, stopping any movement dead in the boy's tracks. Mikado's eyes briefly widened in genuine surprise at what Anri had shouted before hardening once more. Mikado's reaction had occurred so fast that, had either Masaomi or Anri blinked, they would've missed it. "Please! Please, just talk to us!"

"That's all we ask! Just this one last time before… before we conclude our friendship."

She felt so weak after saying that. She held back the tears threatening to brim. _Why does it have to be like this! Why Ryuugamine-kun… Why did we have to propose this savage death match just to talk to you? I don't want this! I don't want to have to fight – or kill – one of my best friends! Not you of all people…_

"Fine…" said Mikado slowly, he seemed unsure of how to continue as he eased his posture. "What do you want to discuss?"

"How did Izaya die?" Masaomi shot forth hastily; he was afraid this chance to speak with his best friend would disappear. He mentally kicked himself over that question. He didn't give a rat's ass about Izaya.

Mikado appeared to be amused for a moment. A foreboding feeling washed over the two. Mikado looked like he was thinking back on a memory in delight.

"After I joined Izaya," began Mikado, launching into his explanation. It was a pleasure to retell. "I immediately planned ways to betray him. I had to be cautious not just because Izaya expected it but because Namie, his assistant, was like a watchdog over me. She kept tabs on all of my activities by bribing certain members of the Blue Squares. Aoba was one of them."

"I tasked Aoba with a simple mission to switch a patient's medicine with poison at a hospital. It was a simple task, one Izaya indulged in to manipulate people he wanted information from or merely wanted to fuck with. He would arrange accidents or poison people they cared for so they were more coercive to his demands. It's not unlike what he did to Saki and you, Masaomi."

Masaomi looked down on the floor and glared at that. His fists tightened as his nails dug into his palms. _Izaya did that kind of shit often? When I die and go to hell, I swear I'll find him and beat the utter shit out of him!_

"Aoba never saw who the poison was for. He didn't even know it was a high dose of cyanide poison. The nurse administered it without knowing and Shinra died instantly. I sent a text to Celty warning her of Izaya's plot. She had stopped trusting me once I joined Izaya but followed the advice out of concern and shortly found out about Shinra's death upon entering the hospital."

Masaomi and Anri looked sickened at that information. Anri shook her head in disbelief as tears started to trickle down her eyes. Masaomi glared at Mikado in revulsion. _Mikado… you've become just like him. Do you even realize it?_

"I didn't even need to convince her to trust me. She walked in mid-conversation between a nervous Aoba and a laughing Izaya while they discussed Shinra's death. She flew into a rage and attacked. She wrecked the entire office and single-handily beat down Namie, Aoba, and Izaya. In the end, she was too soft-hearted to kill them. I had walked in when she decided to spare Izaya's life. She was about to knock me out but I held up her head to stop her. She appeared to be unsure of what to do. She just lost Shinra and still hadn't properly dealt with that grief so I made the decision for her. I tossed her head toward her and she caught it. Izaya tried to stop me by distracting me with some snide jokes but I ignored him. He… looked horrified when I gave her that head back. It was easy to notice her entire demeanor shift after she received it. She curtly thanked me and left the building. I saw her _fly_ on her horse straight into the sky. I had no idea what that was about and didn't care to find out."

"But then… how did Izaya and the other two die?" asked Anri in confusion. _The news report said that there had been three dead bodies but only identified Izaya's…_

Masaomi seemed to freeze after Anri said that and looked at Mikado in abject shock.

"Mikado… Mikado, please tell me that you didn't…" Masaomi couldn't even finish that sentence. He didn't want to believe that his beloved friend was well and truly gone. That he had sunk into the darkness so deeply that he had consciously murdered three people. Innocent or not, murder was murder.

"I pulled out the hidden gun that I knew was located in Izaya's desk. He laughed and said that I didn't have the balls," Mikado let out a vicious smirk before continuing, "I shot Namie in the head and Aoba in the chest. Both died from their fatal injuries. Izaya, the coward, begged for his life at that point. You would've enjoyed seeing the expression on his face before I ended his life, Masaomi."

Masaomi felt bile rise-up at his throat just from that description. He would be the first to admit that Izaya got what was coming to him but the obvious joy that Mikado had in such violent actions sickened him to the core. Anri stayed silent. She still seemed to be processing what Mikado had said. After a few moments, she snapped out of her reverie.

"Did… did you feel guilty at all?" she had to ask.

"Nope."

The reply was so quick and plain that the feeling of revulsion reverberated through both of them. Mikado had been elated by his success in those murders and took Izaya's coat as a trophy to commemorate his victory.

"Afterwards, I washed the fingerprints off the gun and disposed of it. When the police came to the crime scene I had been long gone. They found me, of course. I pinned everything on Celty, saying she had knocked me out in the door way to see Izaya. They seemed to have bought it, specifically since Celty made a grand exit by flying into the sky on a black horse in broad daylight. The more serious news media didn't report that because they thought it was a hoax. The tabloids made even more fanciful tales than what actually occurred so the truth never got out."

Masaomi didn't want to talk anymore. He felt utterly sick to his stomach. He wanted to just conclude this meeting one way or the other and go back home to Saki. He never intended to return to Ikebukuro again after this. The town had brought nothing but pain for him and especially to what he regarded as wholly positive coming his way. It had been his fault that Mikado moved here and he felt partly responsible for the monster that Mikado had become.

"What about the Dollars?" asked Anri interrupting Masaomi from his depressing thoughts. "How did you make the Blue Squares and Yellow Scarves subservient to your authority?"

"Brute force mostly." said Mikado in a nonchalant manner. "After weeding out those more likely to betray, I aimed cohesive attacks on the remnants of the yellow scarves. Not just gang fights but striking them personally such as the poison method used by Izaya. I coerced them into joining and convinced them it was for their best interests. It's the reason most of the yellow scarves you tried to get on your side joined me."

Masaomi shook his head. He didn't want to hear anymore of this. The death match they had agreed to just seem to be more fitting now. He would either be killed by his mistakes… or make another huge regret in his life. A regret that dwarfed not saving Saki when she had been in danger. He never once thought that such a possibility could exist. He wanted to _cry_. He would cry, after this was all over. If he broke down now then he wouldn't be able to stop.

"After that, I decided to change the gang color to green. It was partly to boost morale and partly because of my own romanticized unification of the Yellow Scarves and Blue Squares."

"One last thing," questioned Anri, she purposefully ignored Masaomi's grimace. This last question was important. "For what purpose do you have that scabbard on your back?"

_Clever as ever, Sonohara-san._ Mikado scowled at her. He didn't show his surprise when Anri flinched back. He ignored the stab he felt in his chest. _This moment will pass. Like everything else, these feelings will pass. I'm not that inept high schooler anymore. I'm ready to launch a crime syndicate. I chose this path of my own volition. I've killed for it without care. I can't… I can't be held back by these selfish feelings._

The stabbing feeling was only getting worse as he verbally tortured his friends. The information was the truth though. He _had_ killed Izaya, Namie, and Aoba in such a fashion. He wouldn't have been able to create his newfound mixed Dollars gang from the remnants of both the Blue Squares and Yellow Scarves otherwise. Those three would have impeded him every step of the way. Shizuo had begun treating him as Izaya's replacement and seemed to think Mikado had an involvement in Shinra's death due to a gut feeling. Shizuo, being the most dangerous component in Ikebukuro, had to be neutralized so he had made the proper coercive threats and demands. Shizuo would no longer be a problem. Simon kept to himself and hypocritically ignored most of the spite in the city in favor for a pretense of peace so he wasn't a problem.

"This," said Mikado, releasing the strap and hoisting up the sheath in reverse. "is Vino. I don't know his real name but it's a counter to your sword, Saika. According to the information regarding these supernatural weapons, they have souls of two lovers encased in them."

"The legend, in this case, would have to be true. The various reports I've uncovered seem fairly consistent as well. The sword, Saika, was created when a supposedly immortal alchemist was trying to uncover the secrets of a potion of immortality that he ingested as a gift from a demon. He had been jailed previously when his inhumane experiments were discovered but was broken out by his apparently mute homunculus daughter and an assassin who had been taken in by her charm. Everything was fine for some indecipherable amount of years until the father began to think that his daughter betrayed him since his protectors, his daughter and the assassin, legitimately fell in love. He used alchemy to rip their souls from their bodies and, in his own sense of poetic irony, encased his daughter into the sword known now as Saika and gave her the ability to speak but only a few words."

"He bound the man in an indestructible sheath and removed his ability to interact with his environment or to speak entirely. This way, he would suffer eternally for 'disgracing' his daughter in such a manner. Saika's power came from the sheer willpower that the girl had to reunite with her lover. It was an unexpected development for her father but not one that he couldn't handle. While Saika could manipulate those with love, she couldn't manipulate those without love. If was only after her death by her own father that she discovered the man never had any semblance of love for her as a daughter and sold her to the highest bidder. He apparently sold off Vino in another auction but it was stolen by some people wearing Christmas costumes and made it here somehow. You may also find it interesting that, according to my research, while Vino's real name and Saika's father's name have been lost in history. Saika's real name was _Chane Laforet._ It's only known because after some time she kept a diary about her day-to-day activities and it was published as a fictional diary of an assassin girl due to the contents. Some friends she made were adamant about keeping her memory alive so they went with publicizing it as a fictional novel. Of course, we all know that it was complete truth and not fabrication."

Mikado sucked in his breath after that time-consuming explanation. Anri genuinely appreciated the information. She knew Mikado well enough to understand he had thoughtfully given that information solely for her interest. _A last repose before we fight to the death…_

Masaomi simply wanted to get it over with. He wasn't eager to die or to kill but prolonging this was only causing him more turmoil. All three had to get this over with. They had chosen their sides.

"Seems Masaomi's eager to kill," chuckled Mikado, taking note of his friend's visage and body language. Masaomi flinched at that and felt disgusted with himself at Mikado's piercing words. "No more talking, we're here to kill or die. Let's just get on with it."

Anri closed her eyes and took a deep heavy breath as she wiped her tears away. She unleashed Saika and got into a combat-ready pose. Masaomi assumed some type of boxing stance. Mikado held his scabbard tightly around both his hands.

_This is it…_

The three would never know that they eerily shared the exact same thought at the exact same time.

All was quiet for a moment as they contemplated their strategies before they would strike. The only sound that echoed through was the quiet stream of water from the fountain and birds chirping in the distance. Masaomi charged first. He cocked his left fist back and feigned an attack toward Mikado's face. Most fighters feared being hit in the face so a basic strategy would be to fake a face attack and to strike lower. Masaomi quickly brought his right arm back while making a fist and struck at Mikado's gut. Mikado parried the close-range attack with the scabbard by twisting it in a circular motion. A distinct crunch sound was heard as Masaomi twisted away and held his right arm in shock. His right arm was completely limp. The bones had been _shattered._

_Shit, shit, shit, shit! What just happened?_ The fear on his face was clear to Mikado. Masaomi didn't try to hide it. There was no point. He knew Mikado had done something and Masaomi's right arm had clearly gone limp. His head shot-up in realization. _The scabbard! FUCK! Touching it somehow broke my bones!_

"ANRI!" shouted Masaomi, frantically turning his head to face her. Informing her of the danger was the most important objective right now. Masaomi was practically out of the fight already. _I can't let her be hit by that!_ "The scabbard can break bones! My right arm's shattered! Be careful or-"

However, Anri's horrified look as she gazed at something past him made him turn to face Mikado again. He just barely – _by the margin of a few measly seconds –_ managed to block the sheath slamming into his chest and ending his life by desperately blocking the attack with his left arm. When the attack connected, Masaomi cried out in pain as his left arm's bones shattered to pieces before the force of the blow hurled him afar. His battered body slammed into a tree with a resounding thud. He had fallen face first onto the grass unconscious after ricocheting from the tree.

"Kida-kun!" lamented Anri in horror. Her entire body was trembling from what she had just witnessed. _Please, please, PLEASE don't be dead..._ She turned back to face Mikado. The look she gave him said it all.

Mikado held back the strong feelings of shame and regret after witnessing what he had done to his best friend. He took a few deep breathes to calm himself. Anri's visage wasn't helping. _He didn't stand a chance. Close combat is useless against this scabbard. Vino reflects the damage of an attack right back at the person attacking via physical vibrations but with ten times the force in retaliation. Shizuo's body was more resistant because of his body's intense tolerance for pain which was why only his hand broke. Masaomi's endurance simply doesn't compare to that. Vino's second ability is to permanently replicate the strength of the strongest attacks its felt and use that amount of force whenever the user strikes with it. Masaomi was lucky enough to block the last second because he would assuredly be dead from a strike that has the same strength as Shizuo's punch. I'm surprised that this was the mad alchemist's idea of a 'curse'. Vino would only be able to rely on the strength of what hurt him full force and never his own like when he was alive but these abilities are amazing and unexpected for an object meant to hold a sword._

He had purposefully left out that crucial bit of information for the fight. He wasn't about to reveal his trump card especially not when he already knew what to expect from his opponents. The guilt he felt over what he had done wasn't ebbing away as he had assumed it would. He had thought that being away from them for a year and changing so radically would drown out most of these painful feelings… instead he felt worse than ever.

Anri leapt into action when she saw Mikado hesitate. She held Saika to her side in both hands and jumped into the air. Her hope was to parry the sheath and cut Mikado to subdue him. She was able to fully drown out Saika's ranting more clearly than ever. She was focused and ready to potentially kill Mikado. Despite her feelings, she couldn't forgive what she just saw. Kida-kun was her best friend too. In response to Anri's advantageous attack, Mikado reacted on instinct alone. He reacted without thought of his actions, without hesitation, and without thinking of the consequences. He pushed his left arm forward, wrapped his left hand around Anri's throat, and squeezed tightly.

Anri nearly dropped Saika in shock because of the memories that assaulted her from the attack. She managed to keep hold of it with her left arm as the hand around her throat tightened instinctively. Anri tried to shout at Mikado to let go, to stop his current actions, or to scream at the memories of when her father would assault and choke her when she was a young for his own stress relief. She openly cried as the repressed memories came unbidden. Mikado had a gut feeling of wrongness from what he was doing. Anri was attempting to shake her head and crying openly. Her legs dangled uselessly in the air. She couldn't cry out what she wanted to say because of Mikado's firm grip. Mikado hastily sheathed Saika into Vino. He initially intended to do it carefully but there was some oppressive _wrongness_ that he couldn't shake away. Once Saika was neutralized, there was no reason to harm Anri. That had been his true objective this entire time. Saika's powers would stop working once it was sheathed into Vino. This way, the Saika daughters would no longer exist. Theoretically, Saika's powers should effectively stop existing once the soul felt she was with her lover again.

Mikado immediately let go of Anri after Saika was fully sheathed. She fell on her bottom unto the grass. He strapped the sheath on his back once more with the strong, thin, strap around upper left shoulder down to his right hip. Mikado didn't know how to approach Anri. He had just _choked_ her after all. However, she was no longer a threat. He stared morbidly as she gingerly rubbed the red hand print around her neck and stared at him in muted terror. He tried to move close, thinking over what he could possibly say to mollify her, and was taken aback by how she shirked away from him by crawling in reverse. Her stunned face never wavering from him.

"S-Sonohara-san?" questioned Mikado hesitantly, he tried moving closer to speak with her but she started moving her head back and forth in response. She shirked away whenever he moved too close and Mikado felt his stomach drop when he noticed she was visibly shaking. _What have I done?_ At this point, the cold exterior he had exuded had evaporated once he had taken note of Anri's inner terror. He couldn't lie to himself and pretend this didn't affect him especially after having harmed Masaomi so severely. Right now, however, his thoughts were on Anri's behavior. "What…"

He paused. Asking what was wrong after everything that happened would just be stupid. So what could he do?

"KEEP AWAY FROM ME!" bellowed Anri suddenly; she frightened Mikado so much that he flinched. There was no hint of anger in that tone. It was all fear. Fear of him… "GET AWAY! D-DON'T COME NEAR ME!"

Anri was shaking even more violently now as she tried crawling back further. Her hand seemed to slip on the grass due to lack of concentration and she fell. She held her neck with her right hand as if to protect it and crawled into a ball shaking in fright. _Shit! Why is she acting like this? She should be pissed off, not afraid for her life… or at least not this much. This is something else… It seems like… repressed memories…_

Mikado mentally kicked himself. Izaya, that fucker, had his last laugh after all. Mikado had believed his story about Anri having found Saika in her father's antique store, taken a liking to it, and lost control of its powers resulting in her murdering her own parents. The news reports about her parents' death and the missing murder weapon, a sword, seemed consistent enough that it had been believable. It had been one of the reasons that Mikado felt killing was less of a big deal. He had believed Anri to have committed such a heinous crime at a young age. Yet the reaction that she was showing now seemed to tell a different tale. The information Izaya had given him may have been a complete ruse.

"Anri," Mikado called out gently, he _needed_ to reach her. The guilt was becoming unbearable. He called her by her first name in the hopes it would get a positive reaction. "Anri-chan, please, calm down."

Anri's shaking slowly stopped as she appeared to get a better grip on herself. She looked over at Mikado as she sat up. She shook her head as the tears continued to flow down her cheeks unabashed.

_Why? Why did you hurt me like that? Why did you choose to choke me? You said you knew everything regarding Saika's past and how I got it so why? How could you!_

Anri wanted to run far away. She didn't even want to look or be near Mikado anymore. Yet her body wouldn't budge! It refused to listen to her. She felt as if she was stuck here staring at his face of mixed confusion and concern. _I've become like my mother. I'm in love with a man that hurts and abuses me._

At that stray thought, Anri reached another epiphany.

_I've… fallen in love with a man who hurts me… just like mother did. Is it suppose to hurt this much? I wanted to avoid this pain a second time… I was trying to avoid falling in love because I was so afraid that I'd be abused like I was by my father when growing up. People abused by parents tend to marry into an abusive relationship… I was so afraid of that… but then Mikado and Masaomi became such good friends of mine and I really admired Mikado for speaking his mind. When did that become love? Saika would demand I find and cut him whenever I thought of him this past year and I've only just now realized the reason. Is love suppose to give people this much grief?_

"Anri, please tell me what's wrong," begged Mikado, desperation in his tone, he had to make this right. "What don't I know?"

Anri couldn't help herself. Her emotional exhaustion and disarray caused her to burst into a hollow laughter while her tears continued to flow down her cheeks. It was a grief-stricken laugh. It was made by a sad girl who realized the horrible irony of her situation and couldn't help but cry and laugh at the same time. Mikado's eyes widened as he reflexively took a cautious step back. _I have to stop this… I have to stop it now. But how can I do that?_

Anri scampered to her feet. She was swaying woozily a little before regaining her balance. She wiped her tears as she looked at Mikado with an expression of anguish.

"You don't know?" asked Anri curiously in a whisper, Mikado's face said it all. It was so easy for her to know what he was thinking when he acted like his usual self. "I… I was abused as a child growing-up. My father would occasionally beat or choke me and my mother every few nights. He would blame us for his terrible life, he would tell me how worthless of a daughter I was constantly, and he would tell me that I was better off dead. My mother would try to stop him when he came after me but he was always too strong for her."

Mikado's jaw opened in shock as he gazed at her with the look of remorse. Mikado had never truly _loathed_ himself as much as he did right there and then. _How could I have done such a stupid thing?_

"The way you choked me just a few minutes ago… was… similar to how my father did it…"

"Forgive me…" whispered Mikado desperately, Anri looked at him in mild surprise. "Please… please, I'm… I'm so sorry. I, I can't believe that I… please, anything! Just… I'll do anything! Just please forgive me!"

It was jumbled, it reeked in desperation, and Mikado honestly didn't know what else he could say at this point. _I can't… I won't forgive myself for this if she doesn't. I can't believe I hurt her like this… Her of all people… What the fuck have I done?_

Anri slowly walked over to him. She pinned his eyes with a steady gaze once she was standing right in front of him. Mikado's felt his heart contort in pain when he took in the tear-stricken face, the red hand print on her neck, and the sadness in her eyes. _I… I have to fix this somehow… I have to…_

"If you really want my forgiveness," Anri's voice broke in. Mikado's eyes were fixed on her. He couldn't turn away. He needed to _know_ what he could do to relieve his guilt. "Then please, Mikado-kun, if you really care for me… if you really care at all… please stop this horrible path you're taking. Come back to us; come back to being our friend."

"I… I'm sorry but I _can't_ do that." replied Mikado in a sorrowful tone. "I've changed too much for that to be possible. I've stolen, robbed, harassed, maimed, and _killed._ I can't just go back from that. We… we can't go back to that carefree lifestyle."

"I _wanted_ this. I was tired of the hum drum life. It didn't just want excitement. I wanted – I _chose_ – the life I live now because I thirst for a world that gave me self-fulfillment and happiness."

He regretted it. He regretted saying that but it was the _truth_. The old proverb of the truth setting oneself free was a lie. Mikado felt more guilt pile-up as Anri began to tremble. She came closer which prompted Mikado to freeze. _I… I don't know what to do… I can't fix this… I can't…_

Once she was within his personal space, she laid her head on his chest. She wept on his shirt, her bosoms pressed-up against his body closely, her shaky arms encircled his body, and she clutched the fabric of his jacket tightly. She moved her face to the right as her head still lay on his chest. She was desperate. _Please just come back… just come back… that's all I want… that's all…_

"I don't care if you've harmed others, I don't care if you've murdered innocents…" said Anri exuding more confidence than she felt, "I only care about _you_ coming back to _me._ That's my sole concern."

Mikado unstrapped Vino instantly and allowed it to fall on the grass beside him. He wanted to be closer to her. Mikado tenderly snaked his arms around her back and trembled as he felt the tears start falling from his cheeks in pain. He drew her in closer. Anri looked up to meet him in the eyes once again. Again, his eyes were glued to hers.

"Mikado-kun," spoke Anri softly, peering at him affectionately. His breath caught to his throat. "I love you."

"So… so please, give-up this self-destructive life. We can leave Ikebukuro and you can live with Masaomi, Saki, and I away from here."

In an effort to tempt him further she moved closer to his face and kissed him. The kiss held desire – _need –_ to be close to him. Mikado reacted by kissing back instinctively. He deeply wanted this… had dreamed of it for nearly two years. He had loved her for nearly that length of time. His feelings for her had never disappeared during the year apart.

They stayed like that for a moment longer. Mikado and Anri wished to make the blessed moment remain within their memories for a lifetime…

Once they broke apart from the kiss, Mikado closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes to quell his raging heart. He opened his eyes to see her visage before looking over behind her to Masaomi's unconscious form. He looked down at Vino and Saika left abandoned on the ground next to him. He looked back at the beautiful woman in his arms. Anri looked up at him questioningly. He observed her tear stains, the red handprint on her neck, and the bloodshot eyes that he had failed to notice until now. His eyes gained a distinct firmness once they settled on Anri's eyes glowing at him lovingly.

He knew what to do. Mikado made his decision. He would stand by this for the rest of his life for better or worse. He felt he had come to the right conclusion.

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_I don't deserve you._


End file.
